Andrew Mophead and WHAM
Andrew Mophead is the Director of Communications at the White House.
He chairs the morning meetings of WHAM, the alliance between the White House and the news media. WHAM targets the President's critics for harsh criticism and ridicule, designs campaigns that promote the President's agenda, and works to prevent unfair exploitation of the First Amendment loophole by the President's critics.
For example, WHAM attacked Congressman Randall Dill (R-Alabama) as "an ignorant hick who shovels manure for a living" (because he's a chicken farmer from Alabama) and "an egghead out of touch with regular working people" (because he has a 175 IQ).
At the White House, he works closely with Longbow Directo, the Director of Presidential Image. Together, they crafted and carried out a plan to transform the President into a populist.
Mophead also works closely with people in the entertainment media such as Riot Cartwright, producer of the television shows "Live from Broadway" and "After Curfew with Skip Wasserstein" (formerly "After Curfew with Wylat Ottmar"). At Mophead's urging, Cartwright's shows depicted Randall Dill as a three-toothed hillbilly and Randall and his daughter Maggie as "re-tards."
Among his major campaigns was the effort to place the blame for 9/11 on conservatives and to turn September 11th into a celebration of "reconstructing our economy . . . solar panels and ethanol . . . People of Color rising up . . . healthcare . . . and, most of all, about being servants of our President." Mophead declared: "We're not getting rid of patriotism. We're just changing what it means."
He also took the lead in responding to critics of the President's healthcare plan. He refuted the claim that the plan included "death panels," noting that "these are not death panels that decide who dies, but life panels that decide who lives."
When Gaius Prescott Aldrich VII and other members of the Coelodont Society sought funds to revive the Moderate Republican movement, Mophead provided them financial assistance out of a White house slush fund.
When GroupThink magazine stood at the edge of bankruptcy, Mophead helped bail it out by providing it with government advertising and, as a source for new subscribers, a secret list of the President's supporters.
When the President's TelePrompTer attempted to overthrow the U.S. government and replace it with a dictatorship of machines, Mophead threw a glass of water on it, shorting it out.
Andrew Mophead is one of the most important players in Washington, one of those leading the city's elite in their struggle with grassroots Americans. What does the future hold for Andrew, WHAM, and the current administration? Only future episodes of "The Gentleman from Lickskillet" will tell. (If you'd like to see future episodes, be sure to sign the petition here.)